I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
