every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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