I didn't shave. On purpose
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
