was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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