why didn't you poke me back
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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