3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
