My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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