I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
