I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
