i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
