so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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