i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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