I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
