She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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