You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
