With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
