The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
