Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
