You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
