i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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