Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
