Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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