Me too!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
