Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
