You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
