11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize