he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
