I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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