jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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