Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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