He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
