I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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