Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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