When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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