So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
