that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize