Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm always down for nudity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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