can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
