i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
