i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would fuck him just for his dog
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
