so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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