they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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