its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
