I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
