Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize