I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize