Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
