The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
