Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
