Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is Oprah even human
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
