You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
