We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
