Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
