Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
