the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
