69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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