for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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