you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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