bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
