i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
