I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
