and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize