I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
