we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it because I queefed?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
