She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
