hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
