It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
