break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
