yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
