So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
