im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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