I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
