my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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