how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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