Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
