Do you still have your period?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
