too bad you live with your parents still
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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