where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
