God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
